How to succeed with women - Q&A #1

SEDUCTION QUESTIONS ANSWERED

Question 1.
" What's the best opening line?"

A. "Hi." According to a University of Chicago study, "hi" is the best opening line there is, followed by "how do you like the band?" (but only if a band is, in fact, playing). All the cutsie lines you've heard--"Is heaven missing a couple of angels? 'Cause I can see them bouncing around inside your blouse,"--don't work any better, and usually work quite a bit worse. Even if the cutsie line does work, you are still left with the same basic problem--"there's a human being in front of me, what do I say?

"Hi" works the best at getting you to that point.

Question 2:
" But the woman I want to say hi to isn't anywhere near me--I'd have to go up to her. What should I do?"

A. Try the "goodbye introduction." This is a cousin of the "goodbye compliment," which we discuss in How to Succeed with Women. Imagine you are at the gym, and you see a woman who is really attractive to you. But she's busy lifting weights, and it seems like your gym is not such a friendly place, anyway. The opportunity is this: time your leaving the gym for when she is between sets, or stretching. Then on your way out, introduce yourself like this (smile while you do it!):

"Hi, I'm just leaving, but before I do, I really wanted to introduce myself to the woman who has such wonderful form. My name is David." She says something back, like "Oh hi, my name is Tracy," then you say something like "I hope to see you here again." Then you leave.

This creates an opening for you to talk to her next time you see her--"Hi Tracy, how are you?" It also gives you a way of interacting with her for the first time without there being much risk--since you tell her up front you are leaving, she's less likely to be afraid of you wasting lots of her time. It also builds your esteem, and teaches your nervous system that you can actually survive talking to beautiful women, which makes it more likely you'll do it again, and again, and again...

In time this can even help you develop the confidence to ask for her number in that situation, but for now, just try this much--we'll build on it later.

Q. I always beat up on myself, because I see opportunities to take action with women, but I don't take them. The other day I was at the mall, and there was this beautiful girl working at a store, and I was the only one there, and it would have been easy to do the "goodbye compliment" or "goodbye introduction," but I just couldn't. I really feel like a loser. What should I do?

A. This may surprise you, but the more men we coach, the more sure we become that it is true: Seeing an opportunity and NOT taking it is part of the process of learning to take it. So when you see an opportunity to talk to a woman, and you don't do it, know this: that's part of doing it.

It's like doing a little dry-run in your head. Or, you might say it's like there is this seducer guy inside of you, that you are learning to bring out. This guy comes out one step at a time. First he notices the situations where he could take action. Then, in time, he takes the action. But the first part (noticing the action, but not taking it) usually comes before the second (actually taking the action).

Beating yourself up actually make this process go SLOWER, and makes it more painful. Our experience and the experience of our students has shown us over and over again that you can get through this process faster if you don't beat yourself up for seeing opportunities and not taking them. Best is to say, "Oh, that was an opportunity. What might I have done?" Then run through it in your head, followed by "Great! I'm one more step closer to doing it." Soon you'll find yourself just doing it--if you allow the process to happen.

A SAMPLE FROM "THE RULES FOR GETTING LAID"

We love this book, and we love the tape series that goes with it. Here's a sample from the book (Amazon.com links follow):

Don't Share Everything About Yourself

Any man who tells a woman everything he is thinking and feeling is on his way to getting a Ph.D. in being an idiot. To tell a woman everything is suicide. Guess what? Women will often use men's most confidential and vulnerable information to hurt him later. They love to gossip, tease, or manipulate you for their benefit. Worst of all, a woman who knows all your problems will not sleep with you. You will probably scare her. Imagine that-you baring your soul so she won't think you are just a horny jerk, and you blow it anyway by sharing too much!

We learned the hard way about being idiots. Throughout both of our lives we tried to always be sincere, nice, open, honest, and emotionally available. Guess what? It didn't get us women. Do we have to repeat this a million times? Being Mr. Nice, Open and Honest will not get you nooky. This doesn't mean you should be mean, closed and dishonest. It just means you shouldn't share everything about yourself.

Here's the drill: Be fun and funny while still not telling her your darkest secrets. Share the parts of yourself she'll like and trust. When you first encounter any woman, her main concern will be finding out whether or not you are dangerous. You have to prove that you are safe. You don't want to come across as cold and remote by sharing nothing. You also don't want to come across as needy or overly sensitive by sharing too much about yourself. You have to share some, and convey a little cockiness and mystique so she will respect you and be intrigued.

Many men just try to go with the flow and not control conversations with a woman. However, that's when you get sloppy and start to talk about things you shouldn't. You start spouting off stupid opinions that turn her off and discussing controversial topics that drive her away. You must be aware of her reactions to topics you discuss and use this important information to push things to the next level.

Watch out. Topics like pornography and violence can often end up creating a conflict. Why risk offending her or upsetting her? You have only one goal here, getting sex, not making some huge political statement, or having her counsel you. Also, topics like murder, rape, etc., upset most women. Even if she isn't upset with you, she will be upset by the conversation and associate that upset with you. When she associates problems with you, it leads to more work and less sex. You must keep the mood fun, romantic, intimate, and easy, otherwise...you won't get sex.

Said another way: We have talked to men who think that women will desire them if they tell them about their childhood traumas, deepest pains, problems, and weaknesses. Save this type of discussion for your favorite group therapy session. It doesn't get you the girl. It only leads to the women seeing you as a friend and thinking you are a loser. It is up to you.

To see "The Rules For Getting Laid" on amazon.com, click here.

To see the tape series, click here.

WHAT DAVID COPELAND AND RON LOUIS ARE UP TO:

Along with our dating coaching practice, we are working on a new, studio-recorded comprehensive tape series for men about dating. Our question to you: What would you like to see in it? What isn't covered well enough in any of the material about dating you may have? What do you want to know more about? We'd like to design this series around your recommendations.

Recommend this list to your friends! They can sign up at howtosucceedwithwomen.com

You can find out more about this book at howtosucceedwithwomen.com

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